You know what ??

You know what every time I say that I am fine…and that I am ok…I seriously laying to myself….yes I may look composed outside…but inside…I am loosing insanity…as for that I will stop saying that I am fine and I am ok…coz everytime when sumone ask me..r u ok…I will just put a simile in front of them…only Allah know what its really felt like inside…thus, I am saying loud and clear that I am not ok…I am hurt….the memory that I have is too sweet to remember….i need to learned how to let things go…that’s not going to be an easy job….i need to give chance for myself to be happy no matter what happened…

Salehah ur being injustice to ur own self now….pls love ur self 1st…its ok for being selfish…no matter what happened….ur the one that facing all this….c in the bright side ….u still have ur family+friends….Allah has give u so many thing please appreciate what you have now…and do not look to much at the things that ur loosing….maybe He is not good for u if we look at it in the future prospect…but guess what I have full faith in him…that’s why people say…when u really love sumone…others does not matters….maybe u should consider to love some that u may not going to fall in love with in the 1st place but it is logical to face the world and the reality…lots of people married to sumone that they are not in love with …a good example would be my mom ….she say when she married my dad…its was a challenge…she is not in love with him…but after nearly 40 yrs ++ she say I thanks Allah for give ur father as my husband….he is the best man I never know…and iam thankful for being his wife and mother to his child….and its really effect me….do hope that both of them are happy in Jannah…Amin :)

Luv iT

Today was great plus it is awesome….
Start my Friday night with shopping for my dress in 15 min for my cousin weeding the next day…by ending up buying the most beautiful turquoise Baju Kurung with such a perfectly match selendang with it…I like it very much…J ….
Rush to my cute pan house have some catching up with housemate then top it up by having ice cream with all the troops at McD…been quite sometime not having this kind of time with them…luv itJ
The next day….weeding day..traveling +drifting+ exploring day…soooooooooo much fun…fun…fun….apart of having such a wonderful food….guess who I meet????....its my 1st crush mother….how delightful she was when we meet….she is really proud of me…that’s what my cousin told me la(her opinion after looking at us)…who’s was that??....i just smile…and my niece innocently comment…its Bakal Mak mertua acik yg tak jadi….i was like….what the FFFFFFFFFFFF…………no la she just like me that’s all…come on..she is a good friend of my mom and aunty….and we communicate well....after politely rejecting her invite to their house that day…I know that my day will be even owsome…
HAAHhahahhahaa…funny part…quite a number of my cousin friends comes…and few of them are not bad….just having fun…nothing gonna harm it…hahahahhaa…..i miss the ability to flirt without felt guilty….hahhahaha…it seriously fun….
Then playing will all my anak2 sedara + we have soo much fun…I have invented a new game called…”tangle me with the ribbon”….full with colors and most important all I have sooo much fun with them…and the kids love me soo much….once I have come across a saying that…if u felt uneasy with ur heart please spend time with the golden age people or the young kids below 6 years old…insyallah you will felt soo much better….they will never judge you…trust me…by being hug by them…kisses of thanks after having soo much fun with me…and saying thank you because I help them create the game…was soo rewarding…. J J
Having dinner with my bro + niece at my fav place was soo much fun and rewarding…thanks guyzzz…yes I really appreciate the time spend…and listening for each other…and knowing that we will insyallah have each other in time like this was such a relive…je’thame…J
Now the cream of the cake….i just realize that my friend have uploaded my forever fav band in this world……….N’sync….thanks bro…I really need this…thank u…thank u…
The song are soo much reflecting current heart of mine…(try as much to conceal my feeling)
1) Tearing Up My Heart
2) Thinking of You (I drive My Self Crazy)
3) I’ll never stop
And best of all “Its Gonna be Me”
Thank you Allah for giving me the chance to be bless like this…Thank you again…. J J J

Around you...........

Lately i have been shower by lots of thing ...job+study...i can handle it...too used with it already....but sumthing that really bothering me to the max....trying to aviod sumone from my life is not easy...it really hurt when someone that really close to you gone....the reason iam doing all this...the one that give balance in my life...that i taught have complete me as a human in this world...the one that i think after my work+family....but it seriously cut me...no not the right anology...that break me to pieces thats the right one...i still remember....Q: What do you think about about me? A: I dont know...we are not really close....OMG....not the right answer....means i am meaningless ke after all this ....after all that we have gone through ????...after all that i have done....sememangnya answer yg make me think seriously hard....all gone wrong....i have been wasted all of this after nearly one year of building it....iam i falling appart...well take it easy dear...there always a hikmah in everyting that happend....sumthing better for you is already plan by Allah...please dont worry about it too much...( but seriously i miss the balance of my life)....

p/s: Subsequent to that unsatisfactory answer...i put up all the question that have been playing in my head all this time...but the answer are all -ve....now trying y level best to be happy by doing it by myself...

Excidently ever after...

Trying my level best to be happy and try to remind myself that how bless my life are.....
I am hurt thats why...i am lossing intrest in majority things that i do nowdays....i need to find the fire back...i need to find the exicidently ever after of mine....i need it...Ya Allah help me...please count the blessing that HE have give you:

1) I got my work
2) I got good housemate
3) Good cash flow
4) Great family..my brothers are among the best gift i eva have
5) Wonderful nephew n nieces
6) I can buy anything that i want
7) Beautiful skin
8) I got my health
9) Got my own ride
10) Saving
11) Giving the chance to continue my study

and best of all I got Allah that always by my side....how bless you r my dear :)

Love.....or friendship??????????

I been thinking about this thing a lot lately...and i been bombarded with the same question lately...i try very much to ignore it...but seriously iam getting sick of it...wateva...as i always say it....

Ok i just want to share sumthing here....

What is the difference between friendship and being in love with sumone?????
Is there a difference between it the 1st place???.....when u r my friend...i will love you for sure...coz if not iam just gonna ingnore you totally .......or you will notice that i may not what to talk to you at all in the 1st place....its hard to me...coz i seriously dont know how to hide my emotion...and i will always show it no matter what...i know...life is a journey...maybe along the way i may find the way to learn how to pretend...but seriously i have been trying to be less emotional too long...and that is certianly not who i am....be it...i just gonna be myself...if you find its hard to except it...i just felt sorry for you....


Let just come back to the whole point why i want to write in this very entry....what is the difference with friendship and love.....how do you know you love sumone or just want to be friends with him or her??????

I have a very difficult heart....it will keep on changing as the way it like...sumtime i even ask myself....why i do all these in the 1st place...????

We be for each other....
We laugh with each other...
We stay strong for each other....
We cry on to each other when we need sumone.....
We share the same type of music and movie...
We share the same type of obsession and hobby....

And we respect each other difference....




But....

I will always need to be the strong one....
I cant make it with out you....
I do not want to loose what we have now...
As the way i have loose you before....
It is a bless that i manage to get back what i have with you before....
I taught i can have the same thing with anyone alse...
You cant make everyone happy...
So be it...luv your self more compared to anything else in this world....
You deserved to be happy....and you are pefectly a complete person as your own....
HE love you...never forget that...and that love will never gonna change.....
Why you look for sumthing that is so unpredictable when you can have sumthing that is more solid, guarantee and safe....YOU are a beautiful, smart and attractive young women....all this gonna make you even wiser....never forget that :D

p/s: I decided to choose friendship over love...coz i just could not live without not having you in my life....you give me the balance that i always wanted....i thesures our friendship more compared to my love to you...and how happy iam now...:)

It 25 baby\(*.*)/

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......................

Alhamdulliah......25 years.....how colourfull my life have been after 1/4 of century....achieving so much...be in the right track of my carrear life...just it like a roller coster ride that 24 7 in the most highest peak...and the lowest end...hahahhaaa...such an adrenaline rush...the way i always like it....luv it..the right word to used....

Grown soo much IQ, EQ and collecting so much expriences....life (work,study,family,friends etc)....are there anymore that still missing in my life????...no worries...Allah I am thankfull for all the gift that u have send me....and iam trying my level best to appreciate it....Thanks for always be by my side....and always be there when i need you...eventhough i always forget about you...I seek our forgiveness...and please help me to be a better person and become a more complete Abd to u......

Only one thing that still bothering me Allah.....and you know what is it.....please i will wait for it...maybe u want me to be prepared before you give it to me...i will try to see the hikmah from all of this....iam smiling....and please help me in becoming a better person....amin....and thank you for giving me the chance living in this beautiful world of yours...the best 25 years ever and i will not trade it with anything else....Thank you again file://(*.*)//

Eve heard????

Ever heard people say...when u love someone u need to tell that felling to that sumone when u felt it in the 1st place...if not eventually either you lost the chance or loose the interst or knowing that you will never got the 2nd chance...

Or ever heard...when you want to do sumthing big...think it hard...and then wait for 1 or 2 days...if you still felt the same thing as the day before..continue with it...if vice versa...be it...coz it never ment to be...

This is what i felt now...more on the 2nd part...which is good before i do all the unnecessary action and wasted it at the end of the day....thanks for making me realize...that iam better without you....and i deserve a better person....and i have the strenght saying that u are not my lover and yes you are only my friend...coz when u took my heart u took it all...when u give it back it felt appart....Thanks again...and i will keep the sweet memory that we have sorry wrong word to choose...i have to my self...thank you for making my life full with colours....