When I was Young

As the title when I was young …I will always have conversation with my mom about almost every things that happened to me…same goes with her…till the day she died…28 Jan 2008….
In my early life as a teenages…my mom always talks about her conversation that she have with her friends…n I will always listen to her profoundly…she got few girlfriends that have a daughter that is the same age with me…to be frank it about 3 or 4 of them…she always say that this girl know how to cook..know how to sew..how rajin there r in the kitchen helping they mom….how pretty they r….how smart the girls r…..gud here n there…hhahaha
I never really bother about it….but I still remember one weekend when she was talking about one of the girls know how to bake cake….i spontaneously say this….”mak…Kak Yah (that’s is how I refer myself ) Tanya sikit boleh????....time kengkawan mak dok bercerita n being proud of their daughter apa yg mak cerita pasal anak dara mak sorang ni????....then tak sempat she say anything…I say this to her….kesian kat mak kan..…tak de benda yg boleh mak nak banggakan pasal anak mak sorang ni….masak tak reti…menjahit tak pandai…kat sekolah pun biasa2 ja…plus kengkadang tu lebih malas dr rajinnya kan????.....my mom just being quite….not expecting that something like that will be coming from me kot…(i know her main intention...just to share her story with me) .....hahahaha…then I still remember telling this to her…..insyallah mak…doa2 la anak mak ni jd rajin sikit…so that nanti bila kengkawan mak dok being proud with their daughter u can join them too :D
Starting from that day without I really realizing it…I am growing drastically….not really sure whether its a change of attitude or it is memang the effect of my mom doa….I slowly but rapidly changing….become more rajin…passionate with what I do…getting to a better school…getting better grade….i am sitting in the 5% top range in school n I get the most awards in my final year in school and she manage to attend n get congratz from my teachers for having such a brilliant daughter like me … it think I did make her proud …;0
Next I start to become such a well rounded girl….smart+pretty+strong+rich+a gud abb….in everything that I do I will always ask this…how its gonna effect my mom????....r she gonna be proud of me????....i always have this dream of migrating to overseas….to the extent of even teaching my mom how to speak English…she is very2 smart …she manage to understand when I communicate with her n respond in several words in Mat Salleh….hahhahaa…..so much fun…I always keep remanding her that she need to learned as much of English words that she can coz I will bring her along when am migrating and I want her to enjoy the world as much that I do..:)
Now she has gone….n I still have dream to migrate…(working hard to make it true)….things happened for a reason….Ya Allah kabulkan dan permudahkan la perjalanan hambamu ini…n Mak in what eva I do I will always gonna make sure you will be proud of me…Insyallah…

Again What happened??

Seriously I do not know what happened to me anymore…
Lately my migraine is getting worst…the attack hitting me 3 days in the row…that’s too much already….
Really hate the feeling that I do not enjoy my life….I really misses the day that I feel fire in my life…nowadays aku lebih banyak daydreaming….entah apa yg difikirkan pun not really sure…
Should I resign my current job???....have a simple life…just a taught
Aku selalu remained myself that what eva happened I should be happy with my self…surround myself with +ve energy….if not just see the effect now….not only aku cepat sgt felt sick…not really satisfy with my current life…apa yang aku nak sebenarnya?????..................u r better than this….
Compare your self with others…normally it will make felt gratitude…tp skg ni the other way around plak aku rasa…entah la atak sure kenapa jd macam ni pulak….hate it….
Felt the gratitude more n u will received more in life…remember that….surround your self with +ve energy…forgive him…love your self more…things happened for a reason J

Wht happend????

Been a while since i updating this blog....its not that there is nothing to talk about...i just dont feel like writing enything .....curren tly listeing naturally by Selena Gomez...nice music arrangement....

What had happend to me...seems like i loose the fire in my life???...where on earth it has gone????.....iam burnout or what???....n i think i getting older to fast....last weekend fell down while playing squash....then the impact is on but+tight...such a pain....taught it just a muscle sore...but it getting worst...i even cant sit properly....painfull n its giving me hell....hard to do my work...cant wear my heels...how???....hemmmmmmmmmm

I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine by Nina

Don’t give me a second chance
It’ll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain
You are something else
I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

[Chorus]

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn’t mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn’t mean to love you baby
If I could have a single wish
I’d turn back time
I didn’t mean to make you
I didn’t mean to make you Mine
Don’t look at me like I’m mad
I thought you would know
I was getting way too sad
It was gonna show
There was no way I could hide
I could hide the truth
So I took the risk
And fell for you

[repeat Chorus]

I didn’t mean to make you hold me
I didn’t mean to get so lonely
I didn’t mean to say all this to you
I didn’t mean to make you need me
I didn’t mean to love you like I do
Look at what we’ve put us through

Am i being mean?????

Hhahahahahhaahaha...OMG iam being mean....guess what iam not that so innocent girl anymore...after what u have done to me....now its ur time to felt what i been through....am i at the point who did not care anymore...seriously...i dont....am i happy to c other people suffuring????...no pls its not that way...its just that i am in the lowest end of life when he did it to me last time...like crazy+summore it happends when it is in my peak period time....i cannot devide myself between work + feeling +stress...name it...i have gone through it all....now its ur time...(as people always say what goes around comes around)....life is a cycle...if u broke sumone heart...others will eventually done the same back to u....

Anything that u want in the world....

As the title...anything that i want in the world...you can have it all...i can make it all...anything either it big or small....never really know except when u try.....never be afraid to ask....fyi i am ready to gooooooooo.....just make it urs.....i want it all in my life...all the road are open in ur life....u can have it all.....give it up to me!!!!!!!!!!

You know what ??

You know what every time I say that I am fine…and that I am ok…I seriously laying to myself….yes I may look composed outside…but inside…I am loosing insanity…as for that I will stop saying that I am fine and I am ok…coz everytime when sumone ask me..r u ok…I will just put a simile in front of them…only Allah know what its really felt like inside…thus, I am saying loud and clear that I am not ok…I am hurt….the memory that I have is too sweet to remember….i need to learned how to let things go…that’s not going to be an easy job….i need to give chance for myself to be happy no matter what happened…

Salehah ur being injustice to ur own self now….pls love ur self 1st…its ok for being selfish…no matter what happened….ur the one that facing all this….c in the bright side ….u still have ur family+friends….Allah has give u so many thing please appreciate what you have now…and do not look to much at the things that ur loosing….maybe He is not good for u if we look at it in the future prospect…but guess what I have full faith in him…that’s why people say…when u really love sumone…others does not matters….maybe u should consider to love some that u may not going to fall in love with in the 1st place but it is logical to face the world and the reality…lots of people married to sumone that they are not in love with …a good example would be my mom ….she say when she married my dad…its was a challenge…she is not in love with him…but after nearly 40 yrs ++ she say I thanks Allah for give ur father as my husband….he is the best man I never know…and iam thankful for being his wife and mother to his child….and its really effect me….do hope that both of them are happy in Jannah…Amin :)