I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine by Nina

Don’t give me a second chance
It’ll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain
You are something else
I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

[Chorus]

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn’t mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn’t mean to love you baby
If I could have a single wish
I’d turn back time
I didn’t mean to make you
I didn’t mean to make you Mine
Don’t look at me like I’m mad
I thought you would know
I was getting way too sad
It was gonna show
There was no way I could hide
I could hide the truth
So I took the risk
And fell for you

[repeat Chorus]

I didn’t mean to make you hold me
I didn’t mean to get so lonely
I didn’t mean to say all this to you
I didn’t mean to make you need me
I didn’t mean to love you like I do
Look at what we’ve put us through

Am i being mean?????

Hhahahahahhaahaha...OMG iam being mean....guess what iam not that so innocent girl anymore...after what u have done to me....now its ur time to felt what i been through....am i at the point who did not care anymore...seriously...i dont....am i happy to c other people suffuring????...no pls its not that way...its just that i am in the lowest end of life when he did it to me last time...like crazy+summore it happends when it is in my peak period time....i cannot devide myself between work + feeling +stress...name it...i have gone through it all....now its ur time...(as people always say what goes around comes around)....life is a cycle...if u broke sumone heart...others will eventually done the same back to u....

Anything that u want in the world....

As the title...anything that i want in the world...you can have it all...i can make it all...anything either it big or small....never really know except when u try.....never be afraid to ask....fyi i am ready to gooooooooo.....just make it urs.....i want it all in my life...all the road are open in ur life....u can have it all.....give it up to me!!!!!!!!!!

You know what ??

You know what every time I say that I am fine…and that I am ok…I seriously laying to myself….yes I may look composed outside…but inside…I am loosing insanity…as for that I will stop saying that I am fine and I am ok…coz everytime when sumone ask me..r u ok…I will just put a simile in front of them…only Allah know what its really felt like inside…thus, I am saying loud and clear that I am not ok…I am hurt….the memory that I have is too sweet to remember….i need to learned how to let things go…that’s not going to be an easy job….i need to give chance for myself to be happy no matter what happened…

Salehah ur being injustice to ur own self now….pls love ur self 1st…its ok for being selfish…no matter what happened….ur the one that facing all this….c in the bright side ….u still have ur family+friends….Allah has give u so many thing please appreciate what you have now…and do not look to much at the things that ur loosing….maybe He is not good for u if we look at it in the future prospect…but guess what I have full faith in him…that’s why people say…when u really love sumone…others does not matters….maybe u should consider to love some that u may not going to fall in love with in the 1st place but it is logical to face the world and the reality…lots of people married to sumone that they are not in love with …a good example would be my mom ….she say when she married my dad…its was a challenge…she is not in love with him…but after nearly 40 yrs ++ she say I thanks Allah for give ur father as my husband….he is the best man I never know…and iam thankful for being his wife and mother to his child….and its really effect me….do hope that both of them are happy in Jannah…Amin :)

Luv iT

Today was great plus it is awesome….
Start my Friday night with shopping for my dress in 15 min for my cousin weeding the next day…by ending up buying the most beautiful turquoise Baju Kurung with such a perfectly match selendang with it…I like it very much…J ….
Rush to my cute pan house have some catching up with housemate then top it up by having ice cream with all the troops at McD…been quite sometime not having this kind of time with them…luv itJ
The next day….weeding day..traveling +drifting+ exploring day…soooooooooo much fun…fun…fun….apart of having such a wonderful food….guess who I meet????....its my 1st crush mother….how delightful she was when we meet….she is really proud of me…that’s what my cousin told me la(her opinion after looking at us)…who’s was that??....i just smile…and my niece innocently comment…its Bakal Mak mertua acik yg tak jadi….i was like….what the FFFFFFFFFFFF…………no la she just like me that’s all…come on..she is a good friend of my mom and aunty….and we communicate well....after politely rejecting her invite to their house that day…I know that my day will be even owsome…
HAAHhahahhahaa…funny part…quite a number of my cousin friends comes…and few of them are not bad….just having fun…nothing gonna harm it…hahahahhaa…..i miss the ability to flirt without felt guilty….hahhahaha…it seriously fun….
Then playing will all my anak2 sedara + we have soo much fun…I have invented a new game called…”tangle me with the ribbon”….full with colors and most important all I have sooo much fun with them…and the kids love me soo much….once I have come across a saying that…if u felt uneasy with ur heart please spend time with the golden age people or the young kids below 6 years old…insyallah you will felt soo much better….they will never judge you…trust me…by being hug by them…kisses of thanks after having soo much fun with me…and saying thank you because I help them create the game…was soo rewarding…. J J
Having dinner with my bro + niece at my fav place was soo much fun and rewarding…thanks guyzzz…yes I really appreciate the time spend…and listening for each other…and knowing that we will insyallah have each other in time like this was such a relive…je’thame…J
Now the cream of the cake….i just realize that my friend have uploaded my forever fav band in this world……….N’sync….thanks bro…I really need this…thank u…thank u…
The song are soo much reflecting current heart of mine…(try as much to conceal my feeling)
1) Tearing Up My Heart
2) Thinking of You (I drive My Self Crazy)
3) I’ll never stop
And best of all “Its Gonna be Me”
Thank you Allah for giving me the chance to be bless like this…Thank you again…. J J J

Around you...........

Lately i have been shower by lots of thing ...job+study...i can handle it...too used with it already....but sumthing that really bothering me to the max....trying to aviod sumone from my life is not easy...it really hurt when someone that really close to you gone....the reason iam doing all this...the one that give balance in my life...that i taught have complete me as a human in this world...the one that i think after my work+family....but it seriously cut me...no not the right anology...that break me to pieces thats the right one...i still remember....Q: What do you think about about me? A: I dont know...we are not really close....OMG....not the right answer....means i am meaningless ke after all this ....after all that we have gone through ????...after all that i have done....sememangnya answer yg make me think seriously hard....all gone wrong....i have been wasted all of this after nearly one year of building it....iam i falling appart...well take it easy dear...there always a hikmah in everyting that happend....sumthing better for you is already plan by Allah...please dont worry about it too much...( but seriously i miss the balance of my life)....

p/s: Subsequent to that unsatisfactory answer...i put up all the question that have been playing in my head all this time...but the answer are all -ve....now trying y level best to be happy by doing it by myself...

Excidently ever after...

Trying my level best to be happy and try to remind myself that how bless my life are.....
I am hurt thats why...i am lossing intrest in majority things that i do nowdays....i need to find the fire back...i need to find the exicidently ever after of mine....i need it...Ya Allah help me...please count the blessing that HE have give you:

1) I got my work
2) I got good housemate
3) Good cash flow
4) Great family..my brothers are among the best gift i eva have
5) Wonderful nephew n nieces
6) I can buy anything that i want
7) Beautiful skin
8) I got my health
9) Got my own ride
10) Saving
11) Giving the chance to continue my study

and best of all I got Allah that always by my side....how bless you r my dear :)