Home????

The conversation will always start like this….where are u come from???...you are not from local right…yes I am not….how should I put it…I am from Perak I guess…born there…then they will ask this..why your plate number starts with P??...i taught your are coming from Penang???....n you always say you are going shopping n playing bowling in Penang(normally this kindda of person will only hear few stories from me..coz lately i always have the feeling just keep quite when am in the crowd...which is very diff of who iam few years back)…..long story cut short…I was born n even finished my education in Perak..but nowadays I rarely going back to my home town….my mum grave is at Penang while my dad is in Perak…so I need to travel to both land to be fair.
Then when its was long holiday…n when everybody was so excited of going back to their hometown…I will neva really bother about it…not going back this holiday?????....i will like…stare at them…n politely smile n say no I am not. Nowadays I only go back if sumthing important happened in my hometown..wedding or kenduri or sumbody close to our family died…that’s all..
Call me selfish what so eva…most of other people will never understand what I need to go through…nobody to count on except myself…so why bother what other’s would say…sorry I think I am being built to be a heartless person…I am too good to be a mean person… soredemo...kimi wo zuto….

Doushite...

Doushite...
Kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to omotteta noni
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau mi
Doushite...
Kimi ni nani mo tsutaerarenakattan darou?
Mainichi maiban tsunotteku omoi
Afuredasu kotobaWakatteta noni
Mou todokanai
Hajimete deatta sono hi kara
Kimi wo shitteita ki ga shittanda
Amari ni shizen ni tokekonde shimatta futari
Doko ni iku nori mo issho de
kimi ga iru koto ga touzen de
Bokura wa futari de otonani natte kita
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi
Doushite...
Kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to omotteta noni
Mou kanawanai
Tokubetsuna imi wo motsu kyou wo
Shiawase kao de tatsu kyou wo
Kireina sugata de kami sama ni chikatteru,
kimi wo Boku janai hito no tonari de
Shukufuku sarateru sugata wo
Boku wa douyatte miokureba ii no darou?
Mou doushite... Kimi ga suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Ano koro no bokura no koto
Mou modorenai
Kangaeta
Modorenai...kangaeta
Doushite...
Kimi no te wo tsukami ubaenakattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zuttoBoku no yoko ni iru hazu datta
Sono mama nii
Soredemo kimi ga boku no soba nara to itte mo
Eien ni kimi ga shiawase de iru kotoTada negatteru
Tatoe sore ga donna na sabishikute mo
Setsunakute mo

Doshiete?????

I have a lot of question lately….n Allah has choose to test me with lotz of things in the same time to.

Should I question it in the first place????....better not…u can’t say that u are HIS abb without being tested by HIM right?
Just don’t look at the things that HE has test you with…just look at all the other beautiful thing that HE has shower you with…so many right????...so just look at the +ve thing only….n focus on the good thing that happened in your life ok!!!!!!

Try to enjoy the life that have been granted to you….gud or bad…just put a smile in everything that happened….things always happened for a reason…remember that always…..” watashi wa, anata wo aishi te masu”

When I was Young

As the title when I was young …I will always have conversation with my mom about almost every things that happened to me…same goes with her…till the day she died…28 Jan 2008….
In my early life as a teenages…my mom always talks about her conversation that she have with her friends…n I will always listen to her profoundly…she got few girlfriends that have a daughter that is the same age with me…to be frank it about 3 or 4 of them…she always say that this girl know how to cook..know how to sew..how rajin there r in the kitchen helping they mom….how pretty they r….how smart the girls r…..gud here n there…hhahaha
I never really bother about it….but I still remember one weekend when she was talking about one of the girls know how to bake cake….i spontaneously say this….”mak…Kak Yah (that’s is how I refer myself ) Tanya sikit boleh????....time kengkawan mak dok bercerita n being proud of their daughter apa yg mak cerita pasal anak dara mak sorang ni????....then tak sempat she say anything…I say this to her….kesian kat mak kan..…tak de benda yg boleh mak nak banggakan pasal anak mak sorang ni….masak tak reti…menjahit tak pandai…kat sekolah pun biasa2 ja…plus kengkadang tu lebih malas dr rajinnya kan????.....my mom just being quite….not expecting that something like that will be coming from me kot…(i know her main intention...just to share her story with me) .....hahahaha…then I still remember telling this to her…..insyallah mak…doa2 la anak mak ni jd rajin sikit…so that nanti bila kengkawan mak dok being proud with their daughter u can join them too :D
Starting from that day without I really realizing it…I am growing drastically….not really sure whether its a change of attitude or it is memang the effect of my mom doa….I slowly but rapidly changing….become more rajin…passionate with what I do…getting to a better school…getting better grade….i am sitting in the 5% top range in school n I get the most awards in my final year in school and she manage to attend n get congratz from my teachers for having such a brilliant daughter like me … it think I did make her proud …;0
Next I start to become such a well rounded girl….smart+pretty+strong+rich+a gud abb….in everything that I do I will always ask this…how its gonna effect my mom????....r she gonna be proud of me????....i always have this dream of migrating to overseas….to the extent of even teaching my mom how to speak English…she is very2 smart …she manage to understand when I communicate with her n respond in several words in Mat Salleh….hahhahaa…..so much fun…I always keep remanding her that she need to learned as much of English words that she can coz I will bring her along when am migrating and I want her to enjoy the world as much that I do..:)
Now she has gone….n I still have dream to migrate…(working hard to make it true)….things happened for a reason….Ya Allah kabulkan dan permudahkan la perjalanan hambamu ini…n Mak in what eva I do I will always gonna make sure you will be proud of me…Insyallah…

Again What happened??

Seriously I do not know what happened to me anymore…
Lately my migraine is getting worst…the attack hitting me 3 days in the row…that’s too much already….
Really hate the feeling that I do not enjoy my life….I really misses the day that I feel fire in my life…nowadays aku lebih banyak daydreaming….entah apa yg difikirkan pun not really sure…
Should I resign my current job???....have a simple life…just a taught
Aku selalu remained myself that what eva happened I should be happy with my self…surround myself with +ve energy….if not just see the effect now….not only aku cepat sgt felt sick…not really satisfy with my current life…apa yang aku nak sebenarnya?????..................u r better than this….
Compare your self with others…normally it will make felt gratitude…tp skg ni the other way around plak aku rasa…entah la atak sure kenapa jd macam ni pulak….hate it….
Felt the gratitude more n u will received more in life…remember that….surround your self with +ve energy…forgive him…love your self more…things happened for a reason J

Wht happend????

Been a while since i updating this blog....its not that there is nothing to talk about...i just dont feel like writing enything .....curren tly listeing naturally by Selena Gomez...nice music arrangement....

What had happend to me...seems like i loose the fire in my life???...where on earth it has gone????.....iam burnout or what???....n i think i getting older to fast....last weekend fell down while playing squash....then the impact is on but+tight...such a pain....taught it just a muscle sore...but it getting worst...i even cant sit properly....painfull n its giving me hell....hard to do my work...cant wear my heels...how???....hemmmmmmmmmm

I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine by Nina

Don’t give me a second chance
It’ll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain
You are something else
I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

[Chorus]

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn’t mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn’t mean to love you baby
If I could have a single wish
I’d turn back time
I didn’t mean to make you
I didn’t mean to make you Mine
Don’t look at me like I’m mad
I thought you would know
I was getting way too sad
It was gonna show
There was no way I could hide
I could hide the truth
So I took the risk
And fell for you

[repeat Chorus]

I didn’t mean to make you hold me
I didn’t mean to get so lonely
I didn’t mean to say all this to you
I didn’t mean to make you need me
I didn’t mean to love you like I do
Look at what we’ve put us through